Some people want to know why I’m short.
JUST KIDDING no one really cares but deep down inside I know y’all want to know. I mean, you clicked over to this post so you must be at least curious, right????
so why am i so short*?
My parents say it’s because of this thing called “jeans” but, I mean, I went on a jeans fast and wore soccer shorts and dresses all last semester (not together, duh, I wore the shorts underneath the dress totally) and I’m still short.
I may have been tainted when I was a child. I mean, we’d buy jeans from the Goodwill and man . . . some of the stuff there be SKETCH. It’s like they robbed an eighteenth century clown’s crypt and then added paisley hearts and a sprinkle of old lady and then sold it for two quarters.
WHAT A STEAL.
But seriously, those jeans I got as a kid may have had, like, alien boogers or something. So yeah, that’s def why I’m short.
*I’m not exactly sure how tall I am . . . it’s been debated for centuries. A good guess is five one though.
okay so also
I’m not into . . . the healthiness. Therefore, I didn’t get much-needed nutrients to grow and I have been stunted by my passion for all things golden and crispy.
You see . . .I’m allergic to things with large amounts of the health. Makes me break out in cravings for ice cream and old bacon.
But seriously, I’ll probably be one of those old ladies that lives until she’s three hundred but ate nothing but pizza grease for all her meals. YEAH OLD UNHEALTHY LADIES.
I should’ve eaten the carrots. And the broccoli. I survived my childhood on nothing but macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, fries, spaghetti without sauce and cheese quesadillas. (Not cheese quesadillas without sauce) (Just so we’re clear on that)
Now that I play soccer, I have a reason to eat large quantities of food (although I rarely do . . . unless I’m at a four-day-long soccer camp and then DUDE THE FOOD IS FREE IMMA GET THREE PLATES WHILST ALL THE ART CAMPERS LOOK AT ME LIKE I’M A FOOD BANSHEE).
but being short is nice because
-I look younger than I really am. Kids meals for the win, yo.
-I don’t have to reach for stuff. I’m so cute, people get it for me.
–I’m closer to the ground so I’m at less risk for lightning to strike me.
-My legs are shorter so the blood circulates faster and I’ll *probably* live longer.
-My friends all have longer legs so I have to walk faster and that burns calories.
–I can still wear kids clothing.
-It doesn’t hurt to fall bc I’m already so close to the ground.
–My legs are short so I can swing them whilst sitting on chairs because my feet don’t touch the ground.
-I can do THIS
Overall, being short ain’t too bad. Yes, it has its downfalls, but so does eating pizza for every meal. *stomach growls*