Well hello my little Christmas ornaments! IT’S DECEMBER!! AND I CAN’T BELIEVE IT SO I WILL TYPE A VERY LONG AND OBNOXIOUS SENTENCE IN BOLD AND ALL CAPS BECAUSE I CAN AND I LITERALLY DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE TIME WENT IS THERE A MAGICAL TIME ELF THAT IS STEALING MY TIME BECAUSE I WILL FIGHT HIM AND PROBABLY WIN BECAUSE I AM SHORT BUT NOT “ELF” SHORT.
Now that I feel better . . .
Merry Month of the Christmas Season!! I’ve always loved Christmas (but of course, it’s the best holiday EVER) but this year I’m especially feeling it. Behold, I am a little Christmas elf spreading the cheer and joy. Maybe it’s because this semester has felt like, well, I’m in college or something for crying out loud and I just need that joyful Christmas spirit to get me to the end.
Now, I know I’m on the nice list because St. Nick told me himself (and also I am a little innocent marshmallow angel*) (*when I’m not playing soccer) but are YOU on the nice list? I mean, hey, what better way to convince people to be good than threatening to take away gifts they don’t even deserve? IT WORKS. You better hope you aren’t on the naughty list.
OR ELSE YOU BE GETTING COAL FOR CHRISTMAS.
So, here are 22 ways to know if you are on the naughty list.
- Santa tells you himself. (well i never would’ve known that thank you amanda for your vast stores of knowledge and endless sass and wit)
- You find yourself laughing when people do dumb stuff like ask stupid questions (there’s always that one kid in class . . .) or trip on stairs.
- When conniving, you stroke your nonexistent evil handlebar mustache.
- Your favorite color is black . . . like your soul.
- YOU EXIT THROUGH THE ENTRANCE.
- You don’t use commas properly.
- You raise your hand in class . . . when you don’t even know the answer.
- When the American Girl Store website asks you if your parents gave you permission to shop, you say yes . . . and you never even asked them. FOR. SHAME.
- YOU DON’T PUT THE SAFETY STRAP ON WHEN YOU PLAY THE WII.
- You don’t drink eight eight-ounce cups of water like your teachers, your mother and the government wish you would.
- You climb up the down escalator.
- You touch windows and leave YOUR NASTY DIRTY GRIMY LITTLE FINGERPRINTS ON THE WINDOWS AND US POOR PEOPLE HAVE TO CLEAN THEM OFF.
- You wish your enemy would . . . dare I say it . . . step on a Lego.
- You hog the shower.
- You use truth or dare to make people buy you pizza. I dare you to buy me a pizza . . . mua ha ha ha ha ha!!!
- You microwave minute rice for 50 seconds because you too impatient.
- YOU TELL KIDS SANTA IS ACTUALLY REAL. #lying
- Sometimes you wish you could drive on the wrong side of the road.
- When it’s cold out . . . you don’t bring a coat.
- You don’t brush your hair in the mornings LIKE A GOOD GIRL.
- You use all the toothpaste.
- You write really long posts about how other people are on the naughty list whilst you sit up on your throne all high and mighty and . . . WAIT A DARN SECOND